Need opinions on moving a heavy object

"Stapleface-Now Hyphenated!" (patrickgruden) 07/10/2015 at 08:00 • Filed to: None

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A couple weeks back, a tree fell on my neighbor’s house. He took his sweet time getting it off the house (12 days), and the tree guys left the big ass log on my property by the curb. My wife questioned them why they were leaving it there, and they blew her off and left, saying that it will be picked up.

Now, I don’t get along with this neighbor anyway, and he’s just an overall dick in general. If I were to even approach him to tell him to get the damn tree off my property he’d probably tell me to go fuck myself. I don't really want to get the police involved because calling the cops on your neighbor is a dick thing to do (not to mention would probably make things worse), particularly if you can avoid it.

So, the question is, how would you go about moving it? The tree/log is about 2 feet wide and about 5 feet long. I've estimated that it weighs approximately 575 (converting volume to mass). I can't lift it by myself, obviously. And I don't have a vehicle I would tow with. So, if you were in this situation, how would you move the object?

CalzoneGolem > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:08

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I would cut it into smaller pieces then light them on fire.

McMike > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:13

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Go ask him when he was planning on moving it, and if he says “yes” ask for a date. If he gives you a date, thank him and leave. Once that date passes, move it to in front of his driveway.

If he tells you to go fuck yourself, then move it tonight.

You could probably put a tow strap on it and drag it down the street a little bit with prety much anything.

ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:15

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You could also look for a small tree cutting business and tell them it’s free firewood if they want to cut it up and take it. I live in Western New York and I know several people who have been able to get away with doing it this way. Although they happened to know someone that worked at the tree cutting company.

For liability purposes its best to go wth a company to cut it and clear it versus making that offer to the general public. Tree cutting companies should be insured so that if an accident occurs you’re not liable.

wkiernan > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:16

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If it’s by the curb there’s a chance that it is not on your property but in the right-of-way in front of your property. So on the plus side you might be able to get the local road department to drag that crap off; on the minus side, they might give you a hard time for leaving garbage in the right-of-way, assuming it’s your garbage because it is in front of your house.

Since I work for a land surveying company, if this happened to me I’d borrow a chain saw and cut this thing into pieces small enough to move by hand. If I or someone I know had a fireplace and if the wood is an appropriate type ( e.g., not oleander) I’d cut it into firewood.

fhrblig > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:17

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Unfortunately, calling the police is exactly what the situation calls for. Leaving a tree on someone else’s property is a dick move. He sounds like he needs a reality check.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback 07/10/2015 at 08:20

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While this would make sense, the tree guys around here have been busy for two weeks straight. We had straight line winds come through a couple weeks back and it made the whole area a mess. I still hear the chainsaws in the development daily.

They'd charge me to even come out and look at it I bet.

McMike > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:21

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Idea #2

Make sign

Put his phone number on it.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > wkiernan 07/10/2015 at 08:26

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Yeah, it’s technically in the right of way (the strip of grass between the road and sidewalk). I considered getting out my chainsaw & cutting it up, and I might end up going that route. What annoys me is chainsaw chains suck these days. I went through two of them just cutting down a small tree with my 20” Poulan last year. Trees here are made partially out of granite I guess.

As for the tree, it's solid oak. The only reason the tree fell was it got lifted by the root ball. It's definitely good firewood. Hell, if I had the proper tools I'd mill the wood down and use it for something. But, I don't.

Nibby > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:27

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I’ll move it for you. I can bench 800 pounds.

ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:28

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That sucks. If it wasn’t so close to the road Id suggest setting a slow burn on it. Something like hack a channel or drills some holes into it. Fill the holes with a mixture of gas and oil (50/50) and then light it up. The flame from the gas ignites the oil and the oil burns slowly so it’s more controlled. We’ve used this for tree stumps that we didn’t have the ability to pull out, but I don’t recall how much smoke it created, so I don’t know if it should be done near the road.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:30

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i have a long metal bar, maybe 5 or 6 feet long specifically for this type of shit. I use it to rip stumps out of the ground a lot. but something like a 4x4 on the ground and pry against it and roll it back to hit yard. then take a shit on it. asshole neighbors suck

davedave1111 > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:33

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If you’re just burning the wood or getting rid of it in some other way, forget a chainsaw, you want to split that sucker with wedges.

Personally, though, I’d be minded to call the appropriate local authority to report the logging company for illegal dumping of waste. Leaving the log there was fly-tipping, the way you describe it.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Nibby 07/10/2015 at 08:34

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But can you do it sideways? Hell, if I had something to brace myself on I could move it with my legs. But I really don’t. Damn.

kanadanmajava1 > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:39

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Just leave it there and ask every time you see your neighbor when he will fetch his log.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > OPPOsaurus WRX 07/10/2015 at 08:39

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Leverage is a wonderful thing. That’s what I figured to do, but just haven’t figure out how yet. The best location for me to pry it at is blocked by the utility boxes from the buried wires. Bummer.

E92M3 > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:42

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If you had a crowbar (or a long 2x4) you could probably roll it onto his property. Otherwise you may have to cut it up. A lot of cities will pickup fallen debris if it’s by the street, but that’s most likely too heavy. You could call your public works department and ask. My city will even come trim your trees for free if it’s along a street. I live inside a private neighborhood with no thru traffic, and they trimmed mine for free.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > davedave1111 07/10/2015 at 08:42

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I had to look up fly-tipping. Now I learned something new.

And I would be all for splitting it with an maul or wedge, but the log is on it's side, and is about 5 feet long. That's the big reason why I would need to get at it with the chainsaw.

cazzyodo > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:43

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I would be get some wheels from Home Depot or something, jack up one side, install wheels, jack up other side, install wheels, push the log in front of his house, jack up one side, remove wheels, jack up other side, remove wheels, walk away casually.

LongbowMkII > OPPOsaurus WRX 07/10/2015 at 08:44

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Best plan right here

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > E92M3 07/10/2015 at 08:44

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Never thought about calling public works. Good idea! Sometime the easiest solutions are the best.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > cazzyodo 07/10/2015 at 08:45

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Hmm, wonder if I could borrow a couple of moving dollys from someone...

cazzyodo > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:49

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That’s the other thing I actually typed but wasn’t sure if you had a dolly or access to one.

Also, I’m a vindictive bastard who constantly schemes up things to do to douche neighbors (though I never follow through). One neighbor of my mom’s constantly turns around in our driveway (he even drove over the caution tape after it was resealed once) so variations of spike strips or driveway burnouts have popped into my head.

Nibby > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:49

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Damn right I can.

davedave1111 > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:51

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Oh, is fly-tipping a UK term? Guess I also learnt something.

Not sure I understand why the log being on its side is a problem for splitting it. Not sure what you mean by on its side, to be honest. Laying horizontally, like logs normally do, right? That sounds perfect for splitting it widthways instead of lengthways, to me - but I’ve never done it, only seen it done. You use a row of wedges and hammer them down into the log at intervals to split it the whole way along.

Of course, I can’t find anything on youtube now, but I think one of the frst couple of episodes here shows a demonstration.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=…

OPPOsaurus WRX > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 08:54

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put it on craigslist free fire wood. If its oak than someone will pick that thing up quick.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > cazzyodo 07/10/2015 at 09:02

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I told my wife (before I realized how heavy that sucker was) that I wanted to move it and put it right in front of his driveway. But if anything were to happen to his vehicles I'd probably be liable for it.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > davedave1111 07/10/2015 at 09:05

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Okay, didn’t realize you could split logs that way. I’ve only ever seen them done lengthways. I just assumed the reason splitting even works widthways is because you're splitting through the grain, not going against it.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > OPPOsaurus WRX 07/10/2015 at 09:07

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Normally I would agree with you. But a couple of weeks ago a nasty storm rolled through and brought down a ton of trees. Just driving through my development I could probably find about 5 full cords of wood, and my development isn't all that big. We have a wood glut right now.

cazzyodo > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 09:27

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I had that thought as well but realized that would open up a whole different line of issues. Reason I went with the wheel idea is that you likely have some method to lift the log a bit to attach them and then removing them gets rid of the evidence.

“Honestly, how the hell would I move that myself?”

MuchWagon > wkiernan 07/10/2015 at 10:01

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Generally speaking if it is on the grassy strip/parkway/yard taint it is in the ROW but the homeowners responsibility to maintain.

You could classify this as “litter” and ask the muni to come get it, depending on the muni of course.

Or does your muni do bulk pickup? We call ahead to get on the pickup list for the scheduled days. 600lbs is a serious item you would want to explain this just appeared.

davedave1111 > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 10:06

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In a way, it is still splitting it lengthwise - you’re just making multiple starting points, I guess.

WiscoProud > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 07/10/2015 at 12:03

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If its that big of a piece of oak, I would put an ad on craiglist. Someone will come get it for firewood or a project.